Tips for Managing Holiday Gatherings

Getting together with friends and family is one of the joys of the season. It can also be a trial when personalities clash or the event arrives before you are ready. Whether you are hosting the gathering or attending it, here are a few tips to lessen the stress.

Deciding what to wear is one of the great stressors for gals who often plan the wardrobe for the whole family. Make that decision long before the day of the event and hang the entire cleaned and pressed outfit, including underwear and accessories, on one hanger. When it is time to dress, there is no second-guessing, the right underwear is not in the dirty clothes hamper, and you do not have to scramble to find the missing snowflake earring.

When giving a party, be ready a half an hour early. I have never hosted a party when someone did not arrive before the stated start time. If it is a dinner party, have a few help-yourself appetizers set out for the early arrivals to nosh on while you put the finishing touches on the meal and table setting.

Be prepared for an unexpected guest by having a place setting in reserve and a plan in your head for where you will seat the extra guest. Under the best circumstances, no unexpected visitor will show up, but if one does you are prepared and cool as a cucumber as you squeeze him in next to Grandpa.

A hostess gift is a nice gesture, but do not expect the hostess to set out your home baked goods or wine. It is her choice whether to share your gift or save it to enjoy later. I saw a party brought to a standstill last year because a guest insisted that everyone taste his homemade snickerdoodles and peppermint Schnapps, even though the party had a carefully planned Felice Navidad theme. As a guest, follow the host’s lead and let it go his way. As a host, just say “ Thank you for the lovely gift. I am going to certainly enjoy this later.”

Steer clear of confrontation by having a few stock phrases for irritating and disagreeable encounters. Some of them are: “ I can’t say I agree, but what an interesting idea.” or “ Let’s talk about this another time” or “Look, there is Leo. I have been looking for him. Excuse me.” Then go somewhere else quickly.

Planning and preparation are the first to steps to organizing and they are good ways to take stress out of holiday gatherings.

Have a terrific holiday and may all your gatherings be happy ones.

Beverly and Kristen
www.KeyTransition.net

Organizing Events

This is the season for events. Invitations to golf tournaments, charity fundraisers, weddings and (especially in our families) birthdays arrive in the mail. The planning and execution of events takes a lot of organization. Even when all plans have been carefully made and the execution is skillfully done, there is a lot of room for things to go differently than planned. Notice I did not say they could go wrong-just differently than you planned. The difference is the line between organized and delusional.

There are just some things that are out of the organizers personal control. The most obvious is the weather. A few week ago a friend's daughter got married at a lovely ceremony that was planned beside the river. Unfortunately, that was the weekend in April that we experienced gale force winds and unseasonable snow flurries. Even though the planner had arranged for tents and heaters, the wedding had to be held indoors. A change in plans had to be improvised just hours before the wedding. It was still a lovely wedding and pictures of the couple surrounded by falling snow will be the catalyst for the sharing of warm memories.

That led us to reminisce about Kristen's wedding seven years ago. We had planned events together in the past, but this was the most elaborate. It was planned oceanside in sunny September until Hurricane Dennis did an about face and slammed up the coast at ceremony time. We had meticulously planned the seating of family and friends on the expansive deck and the reception tents for the 500 expected guests were up and waiting for the caterers to fill them with the food and beverage stations. An auspicious spot had been selected for the sandcastle wedding cake and mounds of seashell ornaments and mesh wrapped treasure chests were ready as favors for the crowd. A special kite with names of deceased family members was set to fly above the site and beautiful flowered topiaries were waiting to be placed on the table rounds. It was shaping up perfectly, until high winds foiled the kite flying efforts of the staff and all the strong men in the wedding party. Then the wind driven rain pummeled and flooded the tents. The steel drum band that was to provide the wedding music did not show up. (Hours later I got a call from them saying that flooding and car trouble prevented them getting to the resort and "What can we do? God is God!") Then the electric power went off and by some miracle our site was the only spot for miles that gained power before the ceremony.

We had a plan B for inclement weather but this went beyond the expected. If we recounted everything that we modified to enable the event to happen on schedule it would take much too long to write and for others to read. Suffice it to say, the wedding still took place and the guests were unaware of the many adjustments that had to be made in the hours and minutes before the bride walked down the aisle. Everyone had a great time and the bride and groom survived to look back on the adventure with amusement.

Here are a few principles that we use for event planning that help us get through the things beyond our control:

List everything that needs to occur to make the event happen. Include everything you can think of no matter how mundane or trivial. We often use brainstorming to come up with lists for unique events.

Develop a time line for the tasks. For instance selecting and reserving the site and scheduling the officiator for the ceremony needs to occur before you order invitations. If there is a particular entertainer, caterer or florist you want to use, you should also reserve their services before printing invitations.

Develop a contact list for all the services you schedule and contract. Include names, addresses, telephone numbers and services you expect to receive.

Develop a checklist for completion of tasks leading up to the event.

Develop a check list and time line for completion for the day of the event

Review the plans and determine what may happen to change your plans. What if the clown is late? What if the band does not show? What if the deejay's equipment is incompatible with the electrical set up? (We know that this should not happen because it is checked out before the event day, but personal experience tells us that the deejay can bring one set-up for the check and arrive with another at the event.)

Develop contingencies for those possibilities. Even if something happens that you did not expect, you have had an exercise in possibility thinking that enables you to tackle the new problem with alacrity.

Finally, remember the event is planned for folks to enjoy themselves. As long as that happens, the event is a success. Have fun!

Beverly and Kristen
www.keytransitions.net